I'm 19 years old, I'm a young comedian I hate that term, "young comedian", you know I prefer "prodigy" And people, they pigeonhole me as a comic You know, which is so disingenuous 'cause I'm not a comic, I'm an artist And I don't do comedy shows, I do one man shows And I've been doing them, uh 1998 was actually my first one man show It was a show about Jews in Nazi Germany called Under the Floor Boards I'll do a scene from that, uh, right now No no no Watch and then judge This is a scene from Under the Floor Boards "Hey, shh"
And then '99 '99, I did a show called The Catholic Orgasm, I'll do a scene from that
2000, I did a piece called The Inappropriate Musician, I'll do a scene from that "Mike Mike, back off the ledge, Mike, th- Mike, think about your kids, do you want them to grow up without a father, is that what you want, Mike?! Mi- Please listen to me, I'm your friend No, Mike, don't jump! No, Mike, no! (Slide whistle down) (Slide whistle up) "He's saved"
2001, I did John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath Except I adapted it into a story about an intergalactic sexual predator called The Rapes of Grath
2002, I did a piece, if you're familiar with The Elephant Man I did a piece based off that called Bulldog Man Oh, also known as Bulldog Man for those who hit puberty And I uh I'll do a monologue from that right now For those listening on the CD, I kind of look like a bulldog
2003, 4? 3. Doesn't matter, I'm lying 2000 2004, I did a piece called Smeagol, from Lord of the Rings, Having Sex with a Black Chick, I'll do that "Precious" I actually got a Danza nomination for that, it was Right after the Tony's
2000, uh, 5 2005, if I could get a blackout for this, I did a piece called Charlie Brown Getting Molested, so if we could blackout right now "Hello? Is anybody here?" "What the fuck are you doing?! Let go of me!" "Good grief"
So, 2000, uh, bring the lights up 2007 2007, I did a piece called The Juggler's Wife, I'll do a scene from that "Please Stop JUGGLING!"
2008, I did a Bit of a controversial piece because I played a slave in the 1780's, but I didn't wear make-up 'Cause I feel as, you know, an artist I'm qualified to tell any story, and uh It was a piece called Whiplashes and this was the climactic scene It is hard, raw art, so if you're adverse to that, you might want to look away But this is, um, the climactic scene from Whiplashes and I hope you enjoy it "You'll have to answer to God for this" "Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow ...You're a dick"
And then, uh, 2000- ...9, which is the last year before the piece I'm doing currently I did a piece called, it's a very emotional piece, it means a lot to me so forgive me if I break down But this is a, uh, a scene from it and the piece was called A Boy and His Dog "Get out of here, alright? Go, I can't afford to keep you anymore, I just I can't, it's too Please don't make this harder than it has to be, I I hate you, is that what you need to hear from me? Alright, I hate you I hate you! It's not just me My dog hates Mexicans too"