[Verse]
Yeah, yeah
And I still stay high, just more lowkey now
I quit the lean and Old E, it'd only slow me down
Been tryna get a hold of myself 'cause you would never hold me down
My new girls miss the old me now, yeah
And shit, I think I hate myself, yeah
Like lately I just ain't myself, yeah
Been on the road tryna save everybody else
And I can't even save myself but shit, uh
Been disgusted in the mirror, tryna function at this function
I ain't even wanna be here but I gotta show face more
I gotta see my place more
I'm used to being homeless, I don't ever like to stay long, yeah
So how can I expect you to wait, when I been wakin' up lately and forgettin' the state
Stating the days so I'm spaced out, forgettin' the date
Tryna remember why the fuck I even get in this game
It's like, everytime I see my nieces they older
Ain't even seein' 'em grow up, what if they needed a shoulder?
And the girl I love is still on the block I left
Think my old friend is smokin' rocks again, I just wish I could talk to him
I just wish we could start again to relive this shit
Before the city took our innocence
Tryna play the hand I'm dealt, from where they dealin' shit
I can't even deal with shit, fuck rappin' and dealin' shit
I feel guilty, my old homies is still in the field, really
Probably screamin', "Fuck me", so I know how to feel, really
They all say they love me, look around they ain't still with me
A lot that's concealed in me, a lot of us ill
Gettin' high so the pain'll stop
When I was younger, I used to think I could save the block
Now I'm spending bands like I don't know how to save a lot
My ex say I changed a lot, I can't even say that it's not true
All of this fame, I forgot Lou, all this drink, I forgot you
At least I did until the mornin'
I used to go places people knew me so I could feel important
I used to want people to see me and now I can't avoid it
And it still ain't fillin' this void, I don't know what's real anymore
I'm lyin' to people I love, I don't think I feel anymore
A lost boy with lost marbles, I lost star and found stardom
I found me when I lost all 'em, yeah
I dream about you and I don't know what it means, yeah
Some Jean Grey shit, I don't know what it seems like
But I fell a fiend and rose a phoenix, my flow demeaning
They ain't get the vision, I always seen it
Fuck the scene, I seen what it does to people
So fuck it, y'all could keep it
I died the meanest and lived the nicest, I didn't write this
I bombed the paper like ISIS, a bad viper's in the words you not speakin'
I could peep this so I'm defeatin' anyone who think they runnin' this race that I started
With the baton they never gave me I'll take it the farthest
I need million dollar mansions, you thinkin' apartments
Guess that's what set us apart, dawg, you thinkin' in boxes
And I left that, kid from the West Ave
Said fuck dealin', no drug [?], I'm stuck [?]
I'm way before prison, too dedicated so fuck ceilings
And fuck feelings, in this cycle of life I'm [?]
Training-wheel rappers be braggin' 'bout how they never fallin'
And changed your number but wonder why I was never callin'
I call it spade-to-spade, hands I'm dealt
Bet I play blind folded and still Blackjack while I call your bluff
All these rappers you callin' tough, shit is all a front
I never fronted or backed down, it was all or nothing
Remember days that I ain't eat and got a smaller stomach
Remember we was smokin' weed, they on a stronger substance now
And a lot of them turned they back on me
I left home with no intentions of turning back, homie
The drug stopped workin' while I'm battlin' this
I was broke, all I had was reality checks
Losing people over business and they say don't take it personal
It isn't, but I'm startin' to think different, yeah
But I started to think listen, fuck the dissin' and [?]
Remember why I even started this mission
I can't do shit if my heart isn't in it
My minds gone, admit that shit has been gone for a minute
But then again, everyone I ever met up in this game shady
Ironic, I'm the one that they compare to Em
I play it crazy and got lost in that shit
On some Heath Ledger shit but still he'd never quit
I'm from Painkiller Paradise, where [?] spliff
So they know I told myself that I'd be better, bitch, yeah
Sometimes I wish I picked up a different profession
But how else could I deal with this built up aggression?
Fucked over so many times but I still been finessin'
Shit, sometimes I think I'm cursed but it's still been a blessin'
I lit the fuse, bought big crib but got shit to prove
My shit list is a page or two
I charge it to the game and pay my dues
So listen dude, I got shit to move
From the same hood as some killers but I got different views
I speak ill, this love peace but I be killed, each scale
Doc said I'm sick, shit, I agree still
I'm prescribed the real shit so here's a free pill
Back-to-back like Meek Mill if you need a refill, yeah
If you need a refill
[Interlude: Lou's Mom]
Hey, sweetie
Ugh, I'm sending you a big hug, my love
I was just thinking about you too
Just hang in there, just for today
Just for today, papi, know that I love you
Know that this [?]'s gonna pass and it sucks
And I'm so sorry, I am so sorry, my heart bleeds for you
What you're going through, all of this
You can do this though, I know you can
Just right now, need you strong [?]
I love you, I love you so much baby
Bye, honey
[Outro: Alina Baraz]
And I'm all yours, all yours
And I'm all yours (Show me)
I'm all yours, all yours
I'm all yours