Vanessa: Dad?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hi, Vanessa!
Vanessa: Dad, what are you doing?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well I'll be honest I don't really understand
But I fell down this hill and I got glue on my hands
Now I got records on my fingers
Kids: Whaaaat?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Records on my fingers
I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop
Kids: Don't stop
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I can't stop I got a platypus controlling me
Kids: whaaaat?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I got a platypus controlling me
Now let me sum it up
It was a strange set of circumstances
Kids: Strange set of circumstances?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I fell down the hill, I got glue on my hands now I got records on my fingers
And I just can't stop
Kids: don't stop don't stop
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well I would if I was able
There's a platypus controlling me he's underneath the table
Kids: There's a platypus controlling him—Whaaat?
Kid: Oh I get it, platypus is a metaphor for whatever is keeping you down
Kids: Corporations are a platypus
The government's a platypus
Your teacher is a platypus
Weird Kid: My teacher is a panda

Kids: Society's a platypus
My parents are a platypus
The media's a platypus
It's all just propaganda
We've all got platypus controlling us

Heinz Doofenshmirtz: No just me
Kids: We've all got platypus controlling us
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I'd stop if I was able
Kids: We've all got platypus controlling us
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I'm not speaking metaphorically
The platypus controlling me is underneath the table
Oh wait, no, he's gone!
Heyyy! There's no platypus controlling me...
There's no platypus controlling me!

(Cheers)
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There's A Platypus Controlling Me Lyrics