Peter:
Nothing else has worked so far,
So I'll wish upon a star,
Wondrous sparkling speck of light,
I need a Jew...

Lois makes me take the rap,
Because our checkbook looks like crap,
Since I can't give her a slap,
I need a Jew...

Where to find
A bum or stien or stein
To teach me how to whine
And do my taxes...

Though by many they're abhorred,
Hebrew people I've adored,
Even though they killed my lord,
I need a Jew!

Max:
Hi, my name's Max Weinstein,
My car just broke down,
Can I use you phone?

Peter:
Now my troubles are all through
I have a Jew!

Max:
Hey!
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I Need A Jew Lyrics