[Jingle Bells instrumental]

Announcer: "We interrupt this record for an important new bulletin'! Santa Claus is missing from the North Pole!"
Dispatcher Voice: "Be on the lookout for Santa Claus, last seen..."

Lee Dorsey's "Ya Ya" - "Sitting here la-la waiting for my Ya Ya"

Announcer: "Washington has decided this is a job for 'The Touchables'."
Dickie: "December 1961, at the headquarters of Elliot Press and 'The Touchables'."
Sung: "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la."

Dickie: "Sent to the North Pole 'The Touchables" learn that someone has launched a toy spaceship, sending Santa to the moon. Alvin' the Chipmunk said":
[Chipmunk] Crazy
Dickie: "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer volunteered to lead 'The Touchables' to the rescue. A new spaceship is ready for blastoff"
Mission Control: "T-minus... three... two... one... zero."
Chipmunks "Chipmunk Song" - "ok Alvin'... Alvin'... Alvin! Ok!
[Rocket sfx]

Dickie: "Successfully landing on the moon, Rudolph and 'The Touchables' are surrounded by the Moon Men."
Dion & The Belmonts "Runaround Sue" - "Hey, hey ooohhhh hey..."
Dickie: "The leader of the Moon Men approaches Elliot Press and says":
Marcels "Heartaches" - "Yip yip yip yip werp-a-werp werp mumm a mumm mumm bohp-a bohp"
Dickie: "Which translated means":
Ray Charles "Hit The Road Jack" - "Hit the road Jack and don'tcha come back no more"

Dickie: "But 'The Touchables' are not leaving without Santa Claus."
[Machine gun and space gun sfx]
Dickie: "After a brief battle Elliot Press looks off and says":
Fats Domino "What A Party" - "I'll be back on my feet someday!"
Dickie: Meanwhile, Rudolph secretly leads Santa Claus to the spaceship. Out of gas 'The Touchables' harness Rudolph to the ship, and away they go! "
Marcels "Heartaches" - "Watch out! Here we go again."
[Slide whistle going up sfx]

Dickie: "A job well done. Elliot Press and 'The Touchables' turn to each other and say":
Sung: "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la."
Announcer: "If you should look up in the sky this Christmas Eve and see a reindeer pulling a spaceship... chances are it's Santa Claus."
Moon Man: "Merry Christmas Earth People! [echoes]"
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Santa And The Touchables Lyrics

Dickie Goodman – Santa And The Touchables Lyrics