I was riding on the Mayflower When I thought I spied some land I yelled for Captain Arab I have yuh understand Who came running to the deck Said, "Boys, forget the whale Look on over yonder Cut the engines Change the sail Haul on the bowline" We sang that melody Like all tough sailors do When they are far away at sea.
"I think I'll call it America" I said as we hit the land I took a deep breath I fell down, I could not stand Captain Arab he started Writing up some deeds He said, "Let's set up a fort And start buying the place with beads" Just then this cop comes down the street Crazy as a loon He throw us all in jail For carryin' harpoons.
Ah me I busted out Don't even ask me how I went to get some help I walked by a Guernsey cow Who directed me down To the Bowery slums Where people carried signs around Saying, "Ban the bums" I jumped right into line Sayin' "I hope that I'm not late" When I realized I hadn't eaten For five days straight.
I went into a restaurant Lookin' for the cook I told him I was the editor Of a famous etiquette book The waitress he was handsome He wore a powder blue cape I ordered some suzette, I said "Could you please make that crepe" Just then the whole kitchen exploded From boillin' fat Food was flying anywhere And I left without my had.
Now, I didn't mean to be nosy But I went into a bank To get some bail for Arab And all the boys back in the tank They asked me for some collateral And I pulled down my pants They threw me in the alley When up comes this girl from France Who invited me to her house I went, but she had a friend Who knocked me out And robbed my boots And I was on the street again.
Well, I rapped upon a house With the US flag upon display I said, "Could you help me out I got some friends down the way " The man says, "Get out of here I'll tear you limp from limb" I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too" He said, "You're not Him Get out of here before I break your bones I ain't your pop" I decided to have him arrested And I went lookin for a cop.
I ran right outside And I hopped inside a cab I went out the other door This Englishman said, "Fab" As he saw me leap a hot dog stand And a chariot that stood Parked across from a building Advertising brotherhood I ran right through the front door Like a hobo sailor does But it was just a funeral parlor And the man asked me who I was.
I repeated that my friends Where all in jail, with a sigh He gave me his card He said, "Call me if they die" I shook his hand and said goodbye Ran out to the street When a bowling ball came down the road And knocked me off my feet A pay phone was ringing It just about blew my mind When I picked it up and said hello This foot came through the line.
Well, by this time I was feed up At tryin'g to make a stab At bringin' back any help For my friends and captain Arab I decided to flip a coin Like either heads or tails Would let me know if I should go Back to the ship or back to jail So I hooked my sailor suit And I got a coin to flip It came up tails It rhymed with sails So I made it back to the ship.
Well, I got back and took The parkin' ticket off the mast I was ripping it to shreds When this coastguard boat went past They asked me my name And I said, "Captain Kidd" They believed me but They wanted to know What exactly that I did I said for the Pope of Eruke I was employed They let me go right away They were very paranoid.
Well, the last I heard of Arab He was stuck on a whale That was married to the deputy Sheriff of the jail But the funniest thing was When I was leavin' the bay I saw three ships a-sailin' There were all heading my way I asked the captain what his name was And how come he didn't drive a truck He said his name was Columbus I just said, "Good luck".