I was riding on the Mayflower when I thought I spied some land I yelled down to Captain Arab, I'll have ya understand, Who came running to the deck and said "Boys! Forget the whale - We're goin' over yonder. Cut the engines. Change the sails." "Haul on that bowline!" we sang that melody, Like all tough sailors do when they're far away at sea.
"I think I'll call it America." I said as we hit land. I took a deep breath. I fell down, I could not stand. Captain Arab he starting writing out some deeds And said "Let's build us a fort and start buying the place with beads.? Just then a cop come down the street crazy as a loon And throws us all in jail for carryin' harpoons.
Aw, me, I busted out - don't even ask me how, I went lookin' for some help, I walked past a Guernsey cow Who directed me down to the Bowery slums Where people carried signs around sayin' "BAN THE BUMS!". I jumped right in line, sayin' "I hope that I'm not late" When I realized I hadn't eaten for five days straight.
I went into a restaurant lookin' for the cook - I told him I was the editor of a famous etiquette book. The waiter he was handsome and he wore a powder blue cape. I ordered up some Suzette, I said "Could you please make that crepe?" Just then the whole kitchen exploded from boiling fat - Food was flyin' everywhere - I left without my hat.
I didn't mean to be nosy so I went into a bank To try to get some bail for the boys back in the tank. They asked me for some collateral and I pulled down my pants. They threw me in the alley, when up comes this girl from France Who invited me to her place. I went, but she had a friend Who knocked me out an' robbed my boots an' was I on the street again.
I went up to a big house with a U.S. flag upon display. I said "Can you please help me out, I got some friends down the way." The man said "Get out of here or I'll tear you limb from limb." I said "You know, they refused Jesus, too." He said "You're not him. Get out of here before I break your bones. I'm not your pop." I decided to have him arrested and went looking for a cop.
I ran back outside and got into a cab I ran out the other door - this English man said "Fab!" As he saw me leap a hot dog stand and a chariot that stood Parked across from a building advertising brotherhood. I ran right through the door like a hobo sailor does, But it was just a funeral parlor and the man asked me who I was I repeated that all my friends were in jail, with a sigh. He gave me his card and said "Call me if they die." I shook his hand and said goodbye and went back out on the street, When a bowling ball came down the road and knocked me off my feet. A pay phone was ringin' - and it just about blew my mind - When I picked it up an' said "hello", this foot came through the line!
Well about this time I was fed up at trying to make a stab At gettin' any help for my friends and Captain Arab. I needed a coin to flip, like either heads or tails, Would let me know if I should go back to ship or back to jail. So I hocked my sailor's suit an' I got a coin to flip. It came up tails, it rhymed with sails, so I made it back to the ship.
Well I got back and took the parking ticket off the mast. I was ripping it to shreds when this Coast Guard boat went past. They asked me my name and I said "Captain Kidd". They believed me but they wanted to know exactly what I did. I said "For the Pope of Eyruke I was employed" They let me go right away, they were very paranoid.
Well the last I heard of Arab he was stuck on the side of a whale That was married to the deputy sheriff of the jail, But the funniest thing was - as I was leavin' the bay - I saw three ships sailing and they were all headed my way. So I asked the Captain what his name was an' how come he didn't drive a truck?? He said his name was Columbus an' I just said "Good luck..."