Well, hello everyone!
Welcome to the Rehab Center for fictional characters.
Umm, alright.
Lets get right to it
Who wants to start us off?
How about you Chris??

Chris Cringle-

Umm, alright.
Hey, I'm Chris Cringle.
I'm a sex addict.

Hey I'm Santa Clause, I'm the king of snow.
I hate my wife because she is a ho, ho, ho.
She used to please me every day, then she made it clear that santa's only supposed to come once a year.
Fuckin Bitch.
Now I buy whores, rock and roll, and I stuff their stockings with my north pole...

(end)

...Okay Chris, thank you!
Alright, who wants to go next?
Patrick...frowny face!
Get up here.

Patrick O'Riley-

Alright.
I'm Patrick O'Riley, I'm a leperchaun.
You all doin' good?
Yeah, I'm not doing so good.

I had a wonderful life, with a healthy household,
And beautiful wife, and a pot full of gold. Ha.
Then my wife spent my riches all by herself, and since women are bitches, blew a keebler elf.
Uh, now I drink all day and a part of me dies.
'cause my wife is getting gang-banged by the Rice Krispie guys.
(end)

Tony the Tiger-

Hey I know them!

(end)

Oh, hey Tony.
Nice of you to show up.
Where were you last week?

Tony the Tiger-

I had some, uh...some stuff to take care of.
Hey, I'm Tony the tiger.
Fuck it.
I'll just sing it.
Every day I wake up, and I get to work late.
My boss says, 'hey, what's up?'
I say that I'm grrrrrrrrowing tired of this shit.
The kids they laugh, 'cause I'm a sensitive cat.
'Big pussy!'
I can't argue with that.
If another kid gives me frosted flakes,
I swear on my life...i'll eat his parents.

(end)

Okay Ton, thank you.
So that's everybody.
So lets just get down to it....
Oh, who are you?

Easter Bunny-

Yeah, hi, yeah, hi, Yeah, hi.
I'm the easter bunny, hey I'm back!
Used to be funny now I'm hooked on crack.
Heaps of heroine ain't no joke, marshmellow peeps covered in coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke.
COKE!
Drugs for life, that's my plan, but now I have no attention span...

(end)

Okay, I'm just going to go and get him, alright?
Play nice please. I'll be right back.

Chris Cringle-

Hey pat did you hear? All my elves got sick.
I think they got herpes from some Irish chick.

Patrick O'Riley-

Mother fucker...
What you laughin' Tony, huh?

Tony the Tiger-
'Cause it's funny!

Patrick O'Riley-

This is gettin rediculous.
Santa, Tony could you guys please stop?

Tony the Tiger-

Oh Snap!....crackle and pop.
Haha, 'cause they banged your wife.

Patrick O'Riley-

I'm getting out of here.
This is fucking rediculous.
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Rehab Center For Fictional Characters Lyrics

Bo Burnham – Rehab Center For Fictional Characters Lyrics