Performed by: Bob Guy
Doris, get out your poison pen and take a letter. I
Have to write to Count Dracula. You know he wrote
Me a letter of that sort...
Dear Count Dracula,
I am writing to you from Cucamonga... Ha-ha!
Cucamonga? The weather is lovely. The nausea
Of noon. The wind is always blowing and the
Sun never shines. And it's rainy and damp four
Hundred days of the year.
I enjoyed the party very much. Especially the
Sumptuous feast you had prepared. It was
Thrilling. From the first appetizers, the 'Chicken
Fried Grub Worms, ' on through the dessert,
Ohhhh... 'Blood Pudding! ' Oh, I love 'Blood
Pudding! ' Oh, yes! It was a masterpiece of
Although I... I was worried for a moment when
You... You said the main course was... 'Fish and
Chips. ' We are not that plebeian in Cucamonga.
But my fears were quickly allayed when I discov-
Ered to my delight it was 'Silverfish and Buffalo
Chips! ' Ho-ho! Oh, unique! Oh, they're so
Squirmy! Oh-ho-ho! Oh, the first one went
Down easy, but the second one was greasy!
Oh my... Oh, I'm getting carried away, because
I... I really must apologise for getting tipsy and
Singing. But I have always wanted to be the
Death of the party.
Uh, when you hear the pellets drop, count ten and
Take a deep breath