Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man The kind of man you'd never disrespect He stood 8 foot tall, wore glasses And he had a third nipple on the back of his neck He ate his own weight in coal And excreted diamonds every day He could throw you down a flight of stairs But you still would love him anyway Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway
Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France With two flat tires and a missin' chain He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry I'm tellin' you the man was insane He could rip out your beatin' heart And show it to you right before you died Every day he'd make the host of Match Game Give him a piggyback ride Yeah, a two-hour piggyback ride Giddyup, Gene!
Ninja warrior, master of disguise He could melt your brain with his laser beam eyes Oh yeah Oh yeah He had his very own line at the DMV He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee Oh yeah Oh yeah, that was somethin' to see, I tell ya
Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings As a potent aphrodisiac He ran a four minute mile blindfolded With an engine block strapped to his back He could eat more frozen waffles Than any other man I know Once he fell off the Chrysler building And he barely even stubbed his toe Had a tiny little scratch on his toe Didn't even hurt
Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion But he never ever told a soul I've seen the man unhinge his jaw And swallow a Volkswagen whole He'd bash your face in with a shovel If you didn't treat him like a star 'Cause you can spit in the wind or tug on Superman's cape But Lord knows you just don't mess around with CNR No no no Talkin' bout CNR Ohh