We left in plenty of time and thank God we did
The clock kept screaming the time and the tyres skid
Turn left, about a half hour later
We were right back where we began when we started this trip
Wasn't just my mood that was going downhill
Even felt we were being pursued when the car stood still
Turn right, the Tom-Tom said
I wanna chuck it right out of the car and leave it for dead
I swear we drove right past 'The Old King's Head'
Twenty five times or more
The wipers stopped and Catherine said
"I can't take this anymore"
So Lizzy jumped out and took the wheel
She could've took us to the moon and back
By the time that we got out and slammed the door
In a town called Ugley
We swerved more than a couple of times for a black alpaca
Delayed in every kind of way so time was a factor
Only made worse by a broken down tractor
Turn round, and slam on the brake
Or we will drive right down the road to find our next mistake
I swear we drove right past 'The Old King's Head'
Twenty five times or more
The wipers stopped and Catherine said
"I can't take this anymore"
So Lizzy jumped out and took the wheel
She could've took us to the moon and back
By the time that we got out and slammed the door
In a town called Ugley
So after driving right past the 'Old Kings Head'
Fifty five times or more
The tyre's flat and the battery's dead
It doesn't matter any more
We survived this drive to tell this tale
What the hell did we come here for?
We couldn't wait to get out and finally slam the door
On a town
That bloody town
It's a cotton-picking town called Ugley, yeah
