These are the tales, the freaky tales
The tales that I tell so well
These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales, the freaky tales
The tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, her name was Joan
She loved the way I rocked the microphone
When I met Joan, I took her home
She was just like a doggy all on my bone
I met another girl, her name was Ann
All she wanted was to freak with a man
When I met Ann, I soaked her pans
We ended up freakin' by garbage can
The next young freak I met was Red
I took her to the house and she gave me head
She likes to freak was all she said
We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed
There's another girl, her name is Mary
Talked about sex and the girl acted scary
I heard she was freakin' for my homeboy Jerry
Took her to the house and I popped that cherry
Young and tender, sweet Denise
Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast
I tell you, homeboy, if you get a piece
She only talks about signin' a lease
I met this tender, her name was Lori
And a X-rated movie wouldn't tell her story
She had a twin sister, her name was Lisa
And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser
My girlfriend's name was Michelle,
Her booty was bigger than a tale on a whale
When i freaked Michelle, I freaked her well
Her pussy got hotter than flames in hell
I G'd this girl, her name was Tammy
I didn't want to do it cause the bitch was flammy
She had a best friend, her name was Jane
I pulled to the side and I spitted that game
I met a lot of freaks in my lifespan
Freaked one night with a girl named Pam
The very next day I saw her with her man
One week passed and I was in her again
I had an old tender, her name was Janine
She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen
She likes to freak, she's just a fiend
It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans
I want to big freak, fat and sloppy
I kick on back and I watch her mouth
Two tons of fun, big mama jama
A country-girl from Alabama
I met this girl, her name was Betty
Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death
I was tired as hell, I was drippin' sweat
But I was all up in her tryin' to hold my breath
Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas
She said her name was Donna
She was a built little freak from China
I said I don't pimp or gigolo
I'm havin' so much money that I don't need a hoe
You can break yourself but you can't break me
You never met a player like $hort, baby
I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo
Took her to my home and we did it on the floor
The girl got freaky and I tell you more
She was down on her knees beggin' to blow
She's like another freak named Rene
You get her alone and she'll make your day
Like Burger King, she knows the play
But a freak like Rene, you can have it your way

These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well
These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, thick as hell
Only sixteen, said her name was Linell
I took her to my house, I could not wait
Her shit was much tighter than Central Safe
Let me tell you this since we talkin' young
I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne
Always talkin' about havin' fun
Once again in the bed I got it goin' on
I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn't be no punk
I try to get funky like female funk
So when you see me comin' or see me goin'
I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin'
I once met a tender, she did it for free
On the Foothill bust number forty-three
All the way on the back she was workin' me
Had my big beatbox and I was jammin' the beat
I met this freak named aunt Winell
Macked on the baby like an ice-cold vet
Everythin' she had is what I get
Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don't play that shit
I met another freak, her name was Rita
Baby thought that $hort just might eat her
I told her like this, she can suck my peter
Or even go home cause I knew I didn't need her
Scratched her name off my telephone book
Never again I took a second look
Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon
She kept lookin', well, I kept stairin'
Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin'
She never left, she cutted out
I know you all know what I'm talkin' about
There's a freak named Shannon, such a sinner
She smokes that pipe and she's gettin' thinner
Shannon is cool but her mind is gone
One fat rock and it's goin' on
She had another buddy, came by my place
Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace
She walked in the door wearin' a lace
You shoulda seen that look that was on my face
She's like this tender named Belinda
Homeboys call her Belinda the Blender
She gave head like she made it up
She was twenty years old with a big round butt
Had a girl slick like olive oil
Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled
When she got mad he blood would boil
But I rapped her all up like aluminum foil

These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well
These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well

Shockedy life, Friday night, it's goin' on Too $hort
Three weeks ago I met this freak
She followed me around like Mary's sheep
I hitted around the corner and when she came
I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name
She said it was Anita and her man's in Santa Rita
I took her to my home and homeboy, I geed her
Set her on the way the very next way
Playboy $hort was ready to play
I bumped to this girl, her name was Roseann
We hitted the motel and got it goin' on
Holiday Inn to the break of dawn
When I took baby home, I freaked her mom
I knew this tender named Sherrie
I took her to the house and let her freak on me
Baby was a fan, she loved my beat
But I wouldn't raise my leg to let her kiss my feet
I met this freak named Yolanda
Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda
I was on top and she was up under
The bed hitted the wall and it sounded like thunder
I once had a date with girl named Kitty
She was so fine with big fat tiddies
All night long she was actin' shitty
So i macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti
There's another girl, her name is Rose
I use to roll baby like brand new Volv's
I never saw Rose wearin' clothes
She's a pimp house pet, ready to pose
I was ridin' down the street when I met Janet
Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet
Ass everywhere, I just can't stand it
Tried to poem it but I could not manage
I had this freak, her name was Bunny
Said I was the only man who ever called her honey
Everythin' I did to her was funny
I macked on bunny and I took her money
Eight tonight a date with Shirlie
She was really short and her hair was curly
If you saw baby you liked this girlie
She was so fine I went to get her early
Shirlie was freakin' like a girl named Rachel
Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal
She liked to kiss all on my navel
Those are her lips on top of my label
I knew another freak, her name was Candy
Real big lips and they came in handy
I smooth got worked and it was so dandy
I hooked the brood up with my homeboy Randy
He did me a favor in return
Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne
Baby got tossed and I got it on
I grabbed the microphone and started to sing my song
My young homeboy heard me rap
And said he had way more freaks than that
So I told him like this, they might be freakin'
But, boy, you never had that T-P-Treatment
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Freaky Tales Lyrics