[Akiva]
"Papa did you see me hit a home run last night
I lit the stadium on fire
I was Oakland’s pride"
"Daddy, did you see me?
Look what I can do, yeah"
"Daddy, do you hear me crying?
Crying
Daddy, can you see I’m dying?
Dying
Oh, Dad
Tell ‘em José"
[Andy]
"Ever since little league
Middle school, middle league
Always played technically
Perfect like a symphony, little me
Got much bigger, faster, stronger, Dad
Hit it so long
But you always want it longer Dad"
"But therapy’s for losers"
*whispered* "Little boy"
"Therapy’s for losers"
[Akiva]
"Buy all my steroids in bulk"
[Andy]
"Costco"
[Akiva]
"Wanna get big as the hulk"
[Andy]
"Hogan"
[Akiva]
"Stronger than wolverine teeth"
[Andy]
"Logan"
[Akiva]
"Answer to, ‘where’s the beef’"
[Andy]
"Slogan"
[Andy]
"First, I put on my jock
Then both of my socks
Parachute hammer pants and my Reeboks
Hot tub inside a limousine at Chuck E Cheese
Dad, look at me"
[Reporter, spoken]
"José, heard you went on a pretty hot date the other night. Care to tell us about it?"
[Andy, spoken]
"Hey, come on. You guys know I don’t kiss and tell."
[Andy, singing]
"Oh, I went on a date with Madonna
She said that she wanted Cuban babies
She seemed like a smart business lady
But I didn’t find her physically attractive"
[Akiva]
"I went on a date with my mama
Took her out for all-you-can-eat shrimp
She said she was proud of her baby
That’s me
So, I guess we both had a wild week"
[Andy]
"Therapy’s for losers
Dad said
Therapy’s for losers
Keep your mouth shut"
[Akiva]
"No snitchin’"
[Andy]
"About the steroids"
[Akiva]
"No snitchin’"
[Andy]
"About the steroids"
[Akiva]
"About the steroids"
[Both]
"About the steroids
About the steroids"
[Akiva]
"Don’t fuck up a good thing while you got it"