I like glitter and sparkly dresses
But I'm not gonna talk about that, in my monologue
I like baking and things that smell like winter
But I'm not gonna talk about that, in my monologue
La la la, la la la

I like writing songs about douche bags who cheat on me
But I'm not gonna say that, in my monologue
I like writing their names into songs so their ashamed to go in public
But I'm not gonna say that, in my monologue

La la, la la la la la
This is my musical monologue

You might think I'd bring up Joe, that guy who broke up with me on the phone
But I'm not gonna mention him, in my monologue
Hey Joe! I'm doing real well!
Tonight I'm hosting SNL (crowd cheers)
But I'm not gonna brag about that, in my monologue
La la la, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, la la la

And if you're wondering if I might be dating the werewolf from Twilight
(Mouths 'Hi Taylor', waves, blows a kiss and winks)
But I'm not gonna comment on that, in my monologue

La la, la la la la la
This is my musical monologue

You might be expecting me to say something bad about Kanye
And how he ran up on the stage and ruined my VMA monologue
But there's nothing more to say because everything's ok
I've got security lining the stage... (gestures to security)
(Strums guitar faster)

This is my SNL monologue
La la, la la la
This is my SNL monologue
La la, la la la la la

That was my SNL monologue

(Spoken:) We have a great show. Kanye West is NOT here, so stick around.
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