Master: Approach students. Close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of tae-kwon-leep, but be warned. To learn it's ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate on this wisdom now.

Ed: Uh sir... sir... ooo! ooo! Sir!

Master: Who disturbs our meditation as a pebble disturbs a pond?

Ed: Me. Ed Gooberman.

Master: E... Ed Gooberman.

Ed: Yeah. No disrespect or nothing, but like how long is this going to take?

Master: Tae-Kwon-Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.

Ed: So like, what, an hour or so?

Master: No, no. We have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gooberman, you must learn patience.

Ed: Yeah, yeah, patience. How long will that take?

Master: Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.

Ed: A year! I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas. Ha... yo... wa... wooo!

Master: Beat people up?

Ed: Yeah, just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozo's. That's all I came here for. Yo-as-ta-ta-shah! Pretty good aye?

Master: The only use of Tae-Kwon-Leep is self defense. Do you know who said that? Ki-lo-knee, the great teacher.

Ed: Yeah, well the best defense is a good o-fense. Do you know who said that? Mel, the cook on Alice.

Master: Well, umm... Tae-Kwon Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinigar of hostility. Meditate on this truth with us. Ahhh... ohhhhh...

Ed: Listen shrimp, now are you gonna show me those nifty moves, or am I gonna start waping the walls with you?

Master: Ed Gooberman, you fail to grasp Tae-Kwon Leep. Approach me so that you may see.

Ed: Alright, finally some action.

Master: Observe closely class. Boot to the Head [boom].
Ed: Ow, you booted me in the head!

Master: You are lucky Ed Gooberman. Few novices experiece so much of Tae-Kwon Leep so soon.

Ed: Ow, oh, my head.

Master: Now we continue.

Ed: Hey, hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now, come on, are you chicken?

Master: Boot to the head [boom].
Ed: Ow! Okay, now I'm ready, come on, try it now.
Master: Boot to the head [boom].

Ed: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute? Ow.

Master: Now class, we shall return to our...

Student 1: Master.

Master: It is wrong to tip the vessle of knowledge student.

Student 1: Many apologies master, but I feel Ed Gooberman is not wholly wrong.

Master: What do you mean?

Student 1: I want to boot some head too.
Master: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gooberman?

Student 1: Yes master, I have learned two things. First, that anger is a weapon only to ones oppenent.

Master: Very good.

Student 1: And get in the first shot. Boot to the head [half a boom].
Master: You missed.

Student 1: Uh, yeah, well...

Master: You to shall be honored to learn a lesson.

Student 1: Ya know, I can... you don't have to ya know... I gotta be going...

Master: Boot to the Head [boom].

Student 1: ooo... ya... ehh... ooooogggg... awwwwww

Master: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?

Student 2: Uh, yes master, not a single one of could defeat you.

Master: You gain wisdom child.

Student 2: So we'll have to gang up on you! Get him now!

Master: Boot... [boom]... boot to... [boom]... ht... [boom], [boom], [boom] [boom] [boom], [boom] [boom]... [boom]

Master: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body, and gaze into the heart of the candle in meditation. Ahh... owwww...

Students: ahhh... oooooowwwww...

Master: Very good, class.
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Ti Kwan Leep Lyrics

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