This is a factual letter from Hawaii. The names of the spots have been changed to protect the locals.

Howzit, bruddah?
Peter and I went out to Hana Bay last Wednesday. It was a perfect 6 foot down the line and crowded. I went out at Sugar Shack which was 5 foot and semi- closing out. It was fun, a little better and faster than that first day we went out but definitely not as juicy as the last. Longboard Larry and Amazing Mike paddled out. The sets were ok, but it was a long time between waves. Three days ago was the biggest swell of the year. Animal and I drove to Hana Bay, but it was 20 foot and unrideable (whitewater everywhere). We drove back to Cracks and it was 5 to 6 foot with 3 guys out. They paddled in and I talked to them. In the morning they said it was 3 foot. When I first got there it was 5 to 6 foot. J. P. Drove up and we both decided to go out and we saw an 8 to 10 foot set break across the bay, nobody was out and we started paddling out when we saw an easily 10 foot wave break across the channel. While waiting for a set of at least 6 waves to stop, I started getting sucked out to the point on the right in a river riptide. I paddled back to the beach realizing that it was peaking or still getting bigger. J. P. Paddled out, caught 2 waves and came in, as it was too freaky and hard to line up with nobody out. About an hour later it got really crowded and cleaned up a bit. Jerry Mopehead went out so I took pictures of him and Max and a lot of other hotties. One guy got washed up on the rocks below me. He was lucky. At least the rip didn't drag him out to sea. Cords were useless. They snapped like peanut brittle. I heard the second ditch at Ammunition Dump was good on Sunday. Also that the left near the sewage treatment plant, which rarely breaks, was good. Well that's enough news for now. Gotta get back in the water.

Aloha!

P. S. Don't come over here.
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Letter From Hawaii Lyrics

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