Jon: Can I interest you in Hannukah?
Maybe something in a Festival of Lights
It's a sensible alternative to Christmas
And it lasts for seven -for you - eight nights.
Stephen: Hanukkah huh? I've never really thought about it.
Jon: Well, you could do worse.

Stephen: Is it merry?
Jon: It's kind of merry
Stephen: Is it cheery?
Jon: It's got some cheer
Stephen: Is it jolly?
Jon: Look, I wouldn't know from jolly.
But it's not my least unfavorite time of year.

Stephen: When's it start?
Jon: The 25th
Stephen: Of December?
Jon: Kislev
Stephen: When is when exactly?
Jon: I will check
Stephen: Are there presents?
Jon: Yes, indeed 8 days of presents
Which means one nice one, then a week of dreck.

Stephen: Does Hanukkah commemorate events profound and holy? A king who came to save the world?
Jon: No, oil that burned quite slowly
Stephen: Well, it sounds fantastic!
Jon: There's more

Jon: We have latkes
Stephen: What are they?
Jon: Potato pancakes. We have dreidels
Stephen: What are they?
Jon: Wooden tops. We have candles
Stephen: What are they?
Jon: they are candles!
And when we light them, oh the fun it never stops.

What do you say, Stephen, do you want to give Hanukkah a try?
Stephen: I'm trying see me as a Jew
I'm trying even harder
But I believe in Jesus Christ
So it's a real non-starter

Jon: I can't interest you in Hanukkah? Just a little bit?
Stephen: No thanks I'll pass. I'll keep Jesus, you keep your potato pancakes. But I hope that you enjoy 'em on behalf of all of the goyim.
Jon: Be sure to tell the Pontiff, my people say Good Yontif.
Stephen: That's exactly what I'll do
Both: Happy holidays, you
Jon: too!
Stephen: Jew!

Jon: Too?
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Can I Interest You In Hannukah? Lyrics

Stephen Colbert – Can I Interest You In Hannukah? Lyrics