I try to look real slender when November rolls around.
Otherwise I know I’ll catch it when the lady with the hatchet
Makes a chop, chop, chopping sound!
She sells us dear each and every year,
Dead turkeys by the pound!
But she’ll change her intention when she tastes my invention,
She'll be vegetarian bound.
And she will—

REFRAIN:
Gobble, gobble gobble!
Gobble, gobble gobble!
My turkey-free turkey meal.
Gobble, gobble gobble!
Gobble, gobble gobble!
Because it tastes so real!
It beats the heck out of stretching my neck.
It's an all around better deal.
And it's totally turkey free,
But it tastes just like me!

You say I’m just a turkey but that shows how much you know!
The diploma on my dresser says that I’m a full professor,
I’m a brain from head to toe!
My invention, boy,
Is made of eggs and soy.
Top secret, don’t you know?
So it’s time to stop excusing all your animal abusing
And let my turkey’s go!
So you can––
(Repeat REFRAIN)

She says there's a reason that all turkeys get the chop.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are how she stays in business,
Selling turkeys to the shops.
Don't want to lose my head!
Don't want to wind up dead!
Come on, now lady, STOP!
Before I'm sitting in an oven with a belly full of stuffin'
And gravy on my top!
Go on and––


REFRAIN:
Gobble, gobble gobble!
Gobble, gobble gobble!
My turkey-free turkey meal.
Gobble, gobble gobble!
Gobble, gobble gobble!
Because it tastes so real!
It’s a wise old owl that does not eat fowl,
When soy’s a better deal.
And it's totally turkey free,
But it tastes just like me!
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Totally Turkey Free Lyrics

Paul Austin Kelly – Totally Turkey Free Lyrics