All my life I tried to be a boy - quite popular with girls
I bought them flowers bought them sweeties - and gave them compliments
But as I'm ugly I've got problems gettin' girls into my room
When I watch them I touch them - they scream and run away

So I decided t'have some pleasure lying lonely in my room
I get my clothes off touch my penis and feel the gluey stuff

When I'm lonely I'm used to masturbate a lot!
Masturbation, hell masturbation saved my life!

Now I'm 60 on retirement and my hand's still my best friend
I'm still used to jack off twice a day to keep the pain away
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Masturbation Saved My Life Lyrics

Montreal – Masturbation Saved My Life Lyrics