A fine romance, my good fellow You take romance, I'll take Jello You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean At least they flap their fins to express emotion
A fine romance, with no quarrels With no insults and all morals I've never mussed a crease in your blue serge pants I never get the chance, this, is a fine romance!
A fine romance, with no kisses A fine romance, my friend, this is To love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has
A fine romance, with no clinches A fine romances, with no pinches You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France! I haven't got a chance, My hearts not made of plastic, You're the reason I'm sarcastic! 'Cause this is a fine, a fine romance.