It started when the neighbors saw my fancy new T.V That opens up the gate outside my home And let's me let in anyone I really want to see And keep out all them other dudes I don't
Then one by one they started comin' over to perform And someone played "Temptation" on kazoo Nellie got as naked as the day that she was born And it sure was all over Baby Blue
[Chorus:] I've got electric eyes, two big dogs, and a mine-field And miles and miles, and miles of barbed-wire fence But the biggest show in town is in my driveway And we ain't had a good night sleepin' since
Orville Baker's showin' us the fastest draw in town Cora Lee's clackin' on her spoons Ol' Jesse's trick dog sure does look dead lyin' on the ground And Jesse's wife is a-howlin' at the moon
Charly's ugly daughter sure can tap dance Mable Thatcher's walkin' on her hands And just as I was leavin' for the kitchen for a snack Ol' Lulla Bell amazed us with her fans
Froney's got an act that's hard to follow Norman plays a nimble tamborine You should see what Sara Lee can swallow And ol' Billy does a wicked "Mr. Clean"
Good Lord, if I'd've known this future when I started Believe you me, I'd never change a thing I got a closed circuit circus in my bedroom And a world full of whackos in the wings Get 'em Burt!