Young Gladys was a silky maiden At thirteen, she was going strong, yeah. Oh, Gladys.
Nicely filled out, fully laden, But down below there was something wrong, yeah. Oh, Gladys.
Nobody told her about the secrets That ladies have to hide Mom had no words to describe the things That happened inside. Need someone to help me, I feel that there's a curse on me, oh.
Went down into the local disco, For what used to be the one night, yeah, Oh Gladys.
Felt a searching hand to frisk her, Along the legs of the water line, yeah, Oh Gladys.
Now Gladys knew she was in no condition In no mood to play
I cracked a knee in her soft spot, nothing Had got in her way.
I want no one to touch me, I feel there's a curse on me, oh.
Directed down to the local drugstore Got fixed up, now she's doing fine, yeah Oh Gladys
Equipped with various kinds of apparatus You know the feminine hygiene kind, yeah Oh Gladys
Must have been a man to do these things Who won her fall from grace That day he programmed me (That lady programmed me?) You should have seen the smile on his face He said ``You'll need someone to help you When you feel like cursing me'', oh.