Battle-warning weary winsome actor
Spewing spineless chilling lines.
The critics falling over to tell themselves
He's boring and really not an awful lot of fun.
Well, who the hell can he be when
He's never had V.D.,
And he doesn't even sit on toilet seats?
He must be very cunning to assume
An air of dignity and
Bless us all with his oratory prowess,
His lame-brained antics
And his jumping in the air.
And every night his act's the same
And so it must be all
A game of chess he's playing,
But you're wrong, Steve.
You see, it's only solitaire.