If I was your tv I'd be like look at me If I was a shooting star I'd be like peace! If I was a fat bitches thong I'd be like hell naw! If I was a hotties thong I'd be like awwww... If I was a cuss word I'd just be like fuck If I was a rock on the moon I'd be chillin like sup? If I was a butthole I'd just be an exit If I was the d.o.c. I'd be like man this is bullshit If I was the tires on your car I'd be like neeeaaawww If I was the bumper on your car I'd be like aww fuck If I was a balloon I'd be like pap If I was allysa milano I'd be fucking joe bruce If I was a radio dj I'd probably say the point 103 If I was a richy ass bitch I'd be like umm...ok If I was spin magazine I'd put me on the cover and be like fuck us! and I wont read this, even us motherfucker! If I was your mental stress I'd be catching up If I was your headaches every now and then I'd be like thonnnkk!! If I was your tongue I'd be hating your teeth I'd be like man why do You try to bite me every time we try to eat? If I was a chair I'd be like sit here If I was kid rock I'd cut my feathered wolf hair If I was your muffler I'd be like shhh, quietly If I was a price tag I'd be like you aint buying me If I was a fresh ass dj I'd be like [records scratch] If I was jam master j I'd be like [records scratch] If I was a cheap clock radio I'd be like [static] Tune that motherfucker in If I was barry white I'd be like what up yall? If I was nipple in the cold I'd be like boing If I was your dead uncle I'd be like ..... If I was a raindrop I'd just be like drip And if I had an ax to your neck I might say chop!
[chorus] If I was, if I was, but I'll never be If I was, if I was, but I'll never be If I was, if I was, but I'll never be If I was, if I was, but I'll never be If I was, if I was, but you're killing me If I was, if I was. but you're killing me
If I was a faygo at one of our shows, I'd fly through the air into and Ocean of juggalos If I was andre the giant this is how I'd be talking If I was father mc I'd be like now what happened? If I was a mirror, I'd find another mirror And look each other dead in the eye, crystal clear If I was a slider I'd slide out your butt Id be floatin in your toilet lookin at you like what? If I was a pilot I'd be like this is air traffic control If I was john denver I'd be like nooooooo!!!! If I was a switch I'd be like flick me, yoo-hoo If I was a london cop car I'd be like wee-oop wee-oop If I was chewbacca I'd get a fresh ass fade If I was vanilla ice I'd be like fuck yall. Im still paid If I was a stop sign I'd just be like stop If I was your wooden leg I'd still be giving you the hip-hop [chorus}