[Intro: Eminem:] Ay, you This next song, is a true story (Come here sl-t!)
Cause some things in this universe, don't make sense But somehow always seem to f-ckin' work
[Verse 1: Eminem] Driving down 975, about to hop on 696 I look over, this f-cking chick's tryina' fix Her makeup, I'm like b-tch? You ain't a plastic surgeon, I advise ya to put up your visor I'm getting kinda ticked, you're blocking my side mirror She's like yeah? So? I'm like so? You gon' need a stich you keep actin' like that, ho I look like your husband sl-t? That's a rhetorical question You talk to me like you talk to him, I'll f-ck you up In fact, get in the backseat, like the rest of my dates No b-tch rides shotgun, what? Taxi? Stop and pick you some Maxi Pads up? Is that what you actually ask me? B-tch reaches over and smacks me And says I annoy the f-ck outta her Get in the f-cking back, put on your sl-t powder You sl-t, what? Shut the f-ck up now, or get your feelings hurt Worse than my last chick, when I accidentally butt dialed her And she heard me spreading age rumors about her Turn the radio up louder, make it bump While I thump that Relapse cd, tryin'a hit every bump In that... Till I snap back in that accent Cause she kept asking me to stop callin' her C-Nt I said that C-Nt
[Hook x2: Eminem] She said, Marshall you ain't really like that, oh oh oh You wouldn'twanna show [?] Cause you're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
[Verse 2: Royce Da 5'9"] Uh, pull up to the club in a Porsche, not a Pinto While Marshall's at a white trash party, I'm at drama central I walk up in there looking at my phone on twitter tweetin' I'm feelin' a bunch of b-tches lookin' at a n-gga, cheesin' I get approached by this little skeeser She asked me if I'm the real G, cause I'm Gucci from head to feet I said, yeah, I'm really is, cause I spit in your man's face Like Camden, that little kid from... She said I'm feeling a bit of ego Wait, am I talking wrong? I said nah, I'm a walking Kanye/Beyonce song. She said I'm mad at you, I said why? She said why you never make songs for chicks like it's hard to do? I said I make songs for me, leave the studio And go and f-ck the b-tch who belong to [?] She said I'm feelin' your whole swagger and flow, can we hook up? I said, eh, you just used the word swagger so no
[Verse 3: Eminem] We been ridin' around in this hatchback 'till I'm f-cking hunchback Where the f-ck's this party at sl-tbag C-Nt? Cut what act? Think it's an act? F-ck that, I'm tryina' [?] finest loveshack Or somewhere to f-ck at, eh? Don't touch that You fat dyke, I'm tryina hear some Bagpipes from Bagdhad Don't act like you don't like em', them accents I rap tight, and I'm a torture 'till we find this place, yeah that's right Thought it was just past this light, past Van Dyke Better hit that map right, read them directions Oh yeah you can't read, and you can't write Told me that last night, she took my cd out the deck Snapped in half like, Relapse sucked I snapped, hit the gas like, blew through the light Spun out, hit a patch of black ice Forgot we had a trailer hitch to the back We jackknifed, b-tch flew out of the car I laughed like, she deserved it She didn't think I'd act like that in person
(Yo, Royce, Marshall just crashed right in front of the club!)
[Verse 4: Royce Da 5'9"] Tell him I'll be there in a minute, I'm tryina break up this cat fight Between my mistress and my damn wife Then a chick wanted a hug, but she was fat So I gave her that and told her to scat I'm not mean, I'm [?] On my way to the front door, taking the scenic route To avoid this chick with a lace front Lookin' like Venus and Serena's hooves I'm jus' sayin', those chicks got horse asses, they been attractive Hope when they see me they don't slap me with they tennis rackets My mind drifted back to this sh-t I seen my wife push her down, step over her body, and smack the mistress Police outside, I turn and pass the gat to Vishis Then I step out and see my evil twin He gives me an evil grin He mugs the mistress, turns around and gives the misses hugs and kisses Looks at me twisted, like Nickel "watch this sh-t! " He smacks the dentures outta the mouth of the fat b-tch he rode with Looks back to mention, "Royce, it's good to be back to business"