Luigi:Princess Peach,
Won't you listen to my speech?
I don't have any stars of invincibility.
But you're the brightest star in the sky tonight for me,
I'm your Luigi!

Mario: What up, bitch?!
I got a 1UP, bitch!
What's inside that Question Block?
It's my dick!
It's-a-me a-Mario;
I'm more italian than pastrami,
I'll take you by the peaches and give you the hot salami!
I saved you from dragons and evil boos that are spooky!
Must I be a raccoon to get inside your tanooki?
I will mount you like yoshi and show you things you've never seen!
My mushroom's now mega if you know what I mean,
So suck it!

Luigi: Mario,
You always do this shit!
I like a girl and you ruin it!
By yelling stuff about your dick,
Until they go away!

Peach: hey, Luigi, it's okay!
That Mario's a bit risqué,
Just tell me what you need to say!
Please don't be afraid!

Luigi: Oh, princess!
It means so much for me to hear you say that.
The only thing I've ever wanted to tell you is that-
GOD DAMN IT!

Mario: I'm here to pleasure that ass!
I'd like to go first, Princess, but I always cum last,
And you say we'll get together but I'm jackin' off alone,
Koopa Troopa skeletons aren't the only Dry Bones!
I am tired of your run-around, it's such a fuckin' hassle,
I go through shit and then you're in another fuckin' castle!
You gotta think about it? Well I dont believe the hype
You'll have a lot of time to think when you are smokin' on my Warp Pipe!

Peach: OMG!
I can't decide on which of you should be the quy to take me on a mustache ride that'll redefine my life!

Luigi & Peach: I'm ready to give a shot!
It's not about how many coins you got,
I just know I like you a lot!

Mario: Yo sluts! Check out my yacht!

Luigi: Let me take you on a magic kart ride!

Mario: I'll bust all yo' balloons when I smack your backside!

Luigi: We'll have some fun, I'll bring my friends along.

Mario: I'll kick that Donkey Kong right in his konkey dong!
Come on, Peach! It's time to make your choice!
I'm the only plumber that can make your boobies rejoice!
Green lanky-ass brother ain't got shit on me!
It's time to live out our story of the Princess and the pea! (nis)

[music stops]

Mario: So, who's it going to be Princess?

Peach: I choose... Toad!

Mario & Luigi: TOAD?

Peach: Well, his whole body's shaped like a dick...

Mario & Luigi: oh yeah yeah definitely, toads are shaped like dicks
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Luigi's Ballad Lyrics

Egoraptor – Luigi's Ballad Lyrics

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