The Soloists:
Whether you are pro or anti,
Or could not care less,
We are here to tell you
We are here to sell you chess.
Not a chance of you escaping
From our wiles,
We've locked the doors,
We've blocked the aisles,
We've a franchise worth exploiting
And we will, yes we will!
When it comes to merchandising
We could kill.

Female Soloists:
When you get up

Male Soloists:
When you get up in the morning

Soloists:
Till your bedtime book,
You will have to live your life
With bishop, knight, and rook.

Male Soloists:
Clean your teeth with
Checkered toothpaste,
Wear our vests.

Female Soloists:
Our kings, and queens
On bouncing breasts.

Soloists:
You could even buy a set,
And learn to play.
We don't mind,
We'll sell you something
Anyway.

We've done all
Our market research,
And our finding show
That this game of chess
Will be around a month or so.
Maybe it's a bit confusing
For a game,
But Rubik's cubes
Were much the same.

In the end
The whole world bought one
All were gone,
By which time
We merchandisers
Had moved on!

By which time
We merchandisers
Had moved on!
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The Merchandisers Lyrics

Chess In Concert – The Merchandisers Lyrics