I was sittin' on a stump Down in New Orleans, I was feelin' kinda low down, Dirty and mean. Along came a fella And he didn't even ask. He says, "I know of a woman That can fix you up fast." I didn't think twice, I said like I should, "Let's go find this lady That can do me some good." We walked across the river On a sailin' spree And we came to a door Called one-oh-three.
I was just about ready To give it a little knock When out comes a fella Who couldn't even walk. He's linkin' and a-slinkin', Couldn't stand on his feet, And he moaned and he groaned And he shuffled down the street. Well, out of the door There comes another man. He wiggled and he wobbled, He couldn't hardly stand. He had this frightened Look in his eyes, Like he just fought a bear, He was ready to die.
Well, I peeked through the key crack, Comin' down the hall Was a long-legged man Who couldn't hardly crawl. He muttered and he uttered In broken French, And he looked like he'd been through A monkey wrench.
Well, by this time I was a-scared to knock, I was a-scared to move, I's in a state of shock. I hummed a little tune And I shuffled my feet And I started walkin' backwards Down that broad street. Well, I got to the corner, I tried my best to smile. I turned around the corner And I ran a bloody mile. Man, I wasn't runnin' 'Cause I was sick, I was just a-runnin' To get out of there quick.
Well, I tripped right along And I'm a-wheezin' in my chest. I musta run a mile In a minute or less. I walked on a log And I tripped on a stump, I caught a fast freight With a one-arm jump. So, if you're travelin' down Louisiana way, And you feel kinda lonesome And you need a place to stay, Man, you're better off In your misery Than to tackle that lady At one-oh-three.