Once a year we celebrate
With stupid hats and plastic plates
The fact that you were able to make
A trip around the sun
And the whole gang gathers round
With gifts and laughter to abound
And we let out a joyful sound
And sing this stupid song
Now you're one year older!
Your life still isn't over!
You've not accomplished much
But you didn't die this year
I guess that's good enough
So let's drink to your fading health
And hope you don't remind yourself
The chance of finding fame and wealth
Decrease with every year
Does it feel like you're doing laps
And eating food and taking naps
And hoping that someday perhaps
Your life will hold some cheer
What have you done that matters?
You're starting to get fatter
It's downhill from now on
Try not to remind yourself
Your best years are all gone
If cryogenics were all free
Then you could live like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice
But instead your time is set
This is the only life you get
And though it hasn't ended yet
Sometimes you wish it might
You wish you had more money
Your life's so sad it's funny
How much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry now
So cut the stupid cake!
Happy birthday, dear...
(random calling out of names, including Ralph, Bill, Ralph Kramden, bob,
Skippy, the bush kangaroo, Stanly, starts with a 'J', and the b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-bu- that leads into