Call me Ephraim Zimbalist,
Get me Bobby Kennedy,
Then call Dave Ben-Gurion, too.
Then tell Carol Baker I'm home, now;
Tell her Mastroianni sends love from Rome now.
Then get Hank Mancini
And tell him Fred Fellini
Is waiting, where the heck is the song?
Order Scotch and ice and
Then ring up Barbra Streisand
And then set up a conference call
With Sammy Davis and Charles de Gaulle.
Call me Walter Cronkite
And tell him Nancy Dickerson
Said that David Brinkley was wrong.
Then get Conrad Hilton in Bombay;
Tell him Tuesday night I want peaches flambé.
Call Chief Justice Warren
And tell him Sophie Loren
Is worried, is she married or not?
Then call Arthur Schlesinger;
No, no, send a messenger
With the saddest news of the bunch:
Tell Lady Bird I'll be late for lunch.
Dial up Liberace
And, while up, Joe Valachi
And tell him Lucky sends his regards.
Find out where Onassis' barge is;
Call him, ship-to-shore, and reverse the charges.
Locate Melvin Belli
And tell Mel One-Eye Felli
Was scratched by Princess Margaret's rose.
Then call Lollabrigida,
This week she's in Wichita,
And then, when you reach Cary Grant,
Tell him I'd love to, but I just can't.