When I was just a little wee lad I hopped on the lap of my dear old dad Something jumped and poked me good 'That' he said 'just me morning wood' A little tin soldier's marchin by Sergeant major unzips his fly Pulls his weapon from his camouflage pants Slaps away til it starts to dance A shootin star's above my bed Changin colors of my mushroom head A rainbow jizz flys across the room Little white spermies meet their doom (Ah!) The amazing Willy Wanker! (Aaaah!) The amazing Willy Wanker! And my scrotum sack he says Lalalalalala, tickle me! Little green men from outer space Here to exterminate the human race Drop their ray guns and retreat to their ships When marshmallow sauce squirts from me tip Like a knight of olden Camelot The goo takes off like an arrow shot Gwynevere drops to her knees and begs For the spittin dragon between me legs I'm using my thing for what it's for Gentle knock upon me door Mumsy drops her cup of tea When she sees my wank standing tall and free (Ah!) The one and only Willy Wanker! (Aaaaah!) Here comes Willy Wanker! And my marble sack he says Lalalalalala, tickle me! Rasberry scones and marmalade! Squeezing my squid in the evening shine! Visions of mermaids in the sky! Shooting my load in me own left eye! Gramps was a hero in the first World War But he ain't got no dick no more Comes home smokin from the corner pub Makes poor old Gramsy kiss his nub The world spins around like a big bass drum Nanny pops a pinkie in the generals bum The Irish dance and the Scotsmem howl Time to clean up with the washroom towel (Ah, yeah!) It's only Willy Wanker, yeah! (Ah!) The lonely Willy Wanker! And my wrinkled sack he says Lalalalalala, tickle me!