The Arbiter (Chess) Lyrics

[ARBITER]
I've a duty as your referee, at the start of this match
On behalf of all our sponsors, I must welcome you
Which I do -- there's a catch

I don't care if you're both champions; no one messes with me
I am ruthless in upholding what I know is right
Black or white -- as you'll see

I'm on the case, and can't be fooled
Any objection is overruled
'Cause I'm the Arbiter and I know best

[CHORUS]
He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed

[ARBITER]
You got your tricks; good for you
But there's no gambit I don't see through
'Cause I'm the Arbiter; I know the score

[CHORUS]
From square one he'll be watching all 64

[ARBITER]
If you're planning on the kind of thing that we've seen in the past
Chanting gurus, walkie-talkies, walkouts, hypnotists,
Tempers, fists -- not so fast

This is not the start of World War Three; no political ploys
I think both your constitutions are terrific so
Now you know -- be good boys

Don't try to con me; you've no hope
I don't need women; I don't take dope
'Cause I'm the Arbiter and I know best

[CHORUS]
He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed

[ARBITER]
You got your tricks; good for you
But just remember, I've got mine too
'Cause I'm the Arbiter I know the score

[CHORUS]
From square one he'll be watching all 64

[ARBITER]
As you settle down behind your pawns, power passes to me
You can play like Fischer, Karpov, Euwe, and Tal combined
I won't mind; please feel free

They all thought they were "the big fro-mage", but they don't have my clout
I control the match; I start it, I can call it off
Kasparov found that out

I'm on your case, and no one's fool
If you don't like it, you're overruled
'Cause I'm the Arbiter and I know best

[CHORUS]
He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed

[ARBITER]
You got your tricks; good for you
But there's no tactic I ain't seen too
'Cause I'm the Arbiter I know the score

[CHORUS]
From square one he'll be watching all 64

[ARBITER]
Yes, I'm the Arbiter; I know the score

[CHORUS]
From square one he's watching all 64