(warning language not appropriate for all yo have been warned)
Deadpool (spoken):
Well, I'm an idiot
I could have sworn the invite said it was a costume party
(man coughs)
That guy gets it
Love the hair
So what's tonights theme?
Everyone's dressing like what the 90's thought was tough?
Oh come on Bartender me!
Ask me "Rough day?" while you rub
The same spot over and over
Bartender (spoken):
Do you ever shut up?
Deadpool (spoken):
I know i'm a chatty cathy
But what are you gonna do? sew my mouth shut?
Ah-ah-ah-ah
Don't answer that
Bartender (spoken):
If you stay here Deadpool ...
It's gonna get ugly real fast
Deadpool (spoken):
Ooh was that a musical cue?
Bartender (sung):
Gosh it disturbs me
To see you deadpool
In fact, it usually does
'cause you look like my balls
Under that hood, deadpool
Just thinking of it kills my buzz
Deadpool (spoken to the camera):
You know, normally that would have just hurt my feelings ...
... but DAMN it. I've always wanted to be in a musical
Bartender (sung):
There's no man in town
As reviled as you
And hell they all wish you would die!
Even though you've proven
Quite tricky to kill
Everyone's going to
Tryyyy
Both:
Noooooooooo
Oooooooone's
Deadpool:
Slick as Deadpool
No one's quick as deadpool
No one punches you
Right in the DICK
Like deadpool
For there's no man in town
Half as --
(spoken)
Ooo Chimichanga!
(sung)
Perfect, give up man, it's gone
You can ask Anna, Natty or Betsy
And they'll tell you who's team
They prefer to be oooooon!
Black widow (spoken):
Avengers.
Rogue (spoken):
X-men
Deadpool (spoken):
Come on, say X-Force
Psylocke(spoken):
Bugger off Wade
Deadpool (spoken):
So what's going on with this threesome anyway?
Sexy recon? Super "charlie's Angels"?
Oh! I could be your Bosley!
Rogue (spoken):
Watch your back sugar
Deadpool (sung):
Noooooooooo
Oooooooone's
Fun like Deadpool
Shoots his gun like Deadpool
Black widow:
Heroes should not kill a ton
Like deadpool
Deadpool:
My kill count is really
Intimidating
Pub crowd:
Hey kill that guy!
That deadpool!
Shoot off his balls
Cut off his route
Deadpool:
Hey sexy friends
Won't you please help me out?
Pub crowd:
Fiiiiiiiirst
Oooooooone
To kill Deadpool
Gets to win the dead pool
Deadpool:
If Spider-man were here
That'd be really cool
Spider-man:
You're lucky i was
Passing through here
Deadpool:
Yaaaay!
Your tights do great things
For your arse
Random voice:
Hey you're no slouch in that way either
Deadpool:
Thanks voice
But every last inch of me's
Covered in scaaaars!
{gun shot}
(spoken)
SHIT!
Mother... fucker!
(gun shot)
(sung)
Noooooooooo
Oooooooone
Flips like Deadpool
Changes clips like Deadpool
No one wields katanas
And RIPS like Deadpool
I'm especially good at
DECAPITATING
Severed head:
Heads roll for deadpool
Deadpool:
When i was a boy
I humped this unicorn
Every morning to help me get off
But lately i'm thinking
I might hump the hulk
Tell me what is that like
Romanoooooff?
Black widow, Rogue and Psylocke:
Noooooooooo
Oooooooone
Black widow:
Jokes like deadpool
Rogue:
Or provokes like deadpool
Psylocke:
No one else has an ego
To stroke like Deadpool
Deadpool:
You guys wanna spoon
And watch Conan later
Black widow, Rogue and Psylocke:
NO!
Black widow, Rogue Psylocke and deadpool:
My what a guyyyy
Black widow, Rogue and Psylocke:
DEADPOOOOOOL
Deadpool:
MEEEEEEEEEEE!
(They leave)
Bartender (spoken):
HEY! Who's gonna help clean this shit up!?
Deadpool (distant and spoken):
Not it!
Bartender (spoken):
Awww, fucking perfect...
(credits play)
(after credits)
Deadpool (spoken quietly):
Come to daddy precious ...
(metal claw SNIKT!, toy squeak)
Uh, excuse me
That's my unicorn
Wolverine (Spoken):
Go fuck yourself
Deadpool:
Oh let's go do that!
Have you got time for a fastball special?
(SNIKT!)
Oooh two in the pool one in the stool?
Featured lyrics