Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye "Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"
The night Santa went crazy The night Saint Nick went insane Realized he'd been getting the raw deal Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet And he tied up his helpers, and he held the elves hostage And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen And he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like chicken!"
The night Santa went crazy The night Kris Kringle went nuts Now, you can't hardly walk around the North Pole Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the FBI There's a van from the Eyewitness News And helicopters circling 'round in the sky And the bullets are flying the body count's rising And everyone’s dying to know -"Oh Santa, why?" My, my, my, my, my, my - you used to be such a jolly guy.
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time In a Federal prison for his infamous crime Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years.
(Alternate verse used in concert) Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead A guy from the SWAT team blew a hole through his head Yes, little friend, that's his brains on the floor Guess you won't have the fat guy to kick around anymore.
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service And they say Mrs. Claus she's on the phone every night With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights. (They talk about)
The night Santa went crazy The night Saint Nicholas flipped Broke his back for some milk and cookies Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped
Wo, The night Santa went crazy The night Saint Nick went insane Realized he'd been gettin' the raw deal Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain Wo, Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain Tell ya, somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain.