Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo And he smiled as he said, with a twinkle in his eye, "Merry Christmas to all, now you're all gonna die!"
The night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he'd been gettin' the raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"
The night Santa went crazy The night Kris Kringle went nuts Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole Without stepping in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard and the F. B. I. There's a van from the Eyewitness News And helicopters circling around in the sky And the bullets are flying, the body count's rising And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why? My my my my my my You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time In a federal prison for his infamous crime Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They're talkin' 'bout The night Santa went crazy The night St. Nicholas flipped Broke his back for some milk and cookies Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped
Wo-oh, the night Santa went crazy The night St. Nick went insane Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal Something finally must have snapped in his brain Wo-oh, something finally must have snapped in his brain Tell ya, something finally must have snapped, in his brain