It's Saturday night and I'm alone, I've made no future plans,
So I sit me down and I pull out the little old Man,
I ain't got a girlfriend and I don't have a date,
But that's alright with me coz I love to masturbate
Back in the old days I'd buy some magazines, a six pack of beer and a tub of Vaseline,
Penthouse and Hustler were as good as it could get,
But I hit the jackpot when I found the Internet.
I'm beating my meat, pounding the pud, yeah I'm jacking off!
I got a good grip on my joystick, and it ain't Microsoft,
I'm flogging my dog, spanking the monkey, ain't computers great!
Yeah I'll never leave home coz I love to masturbate!
They got naked men and women, and all kinds of s** galore,
Blondes, brunettes and redheads and Philippine whores,
No matter what you're into, you'll find your own dot com,
There's even one for old chicks where I think I saw my mum!
Yeah choke the chicken, rub the duck, yeah I'm talking low,
I got a good grip on my joystick and I can't let it go,
Row that skin boat, stroke the log, ain't computers great!
Yeah I'll never leave home coz I love to masturbate!
They say things like E commerce, with three "Www"s and a dot,
They say It's for information, but I'm here to say it's not,
Now they're trading it on Wall Street, but they ain't fooling me,
It's al just a cover for the porn industry!
And I'm shagging my shaft, cleaning my gun, hammering the nail,
I'm a cybersex site surfer, with my own email,
I'm petting my snake, jacking off, thank you old Bill Gates,
I'll never leave home coz I love to masturbate!
Yeah I'll never leave home coz I love to masturbate!
