After the club is the after party.
After the party is the hotel lobby.

And after that you know it's diamond crisp.
And after that I say excuse me miss.
And after that, we go back to the room.
And after that she's gonna leave real soon.
And after that I crack one more beer.
And after that I just stare in the mirror.
And after that I start freakin' out.

What the hell am I doing with my life?
Call up my mom and get my cry on.
I order room service, get my apple pie on.
And after that I just walk the streets.
A homeless dude throws up on my feet.
And I see just how pointless life is.

Full on existential crisis.
Tear off my clothes and scream to the sky.
Fall to my knees and I ask out why.

This night life is killin' me.
I think I'm losin' my mind.
I yearn to fly yet I see crystalline tears in my dreams.

After that I drive into the hills and trade my car for a bottle of pills.
And after that I'm on a fishin' quest.
Put my mind body and soul to the test.
And after that, I meet my totem spirit.
It's a rattle snake so I have to kill it.
And I drink all it's blood and steal it's powers,
And I slither around in the dirt for hours.

And after that I start jerkin' off.
Up on a mountain jerkin' off.
Down by the river jerkin' off.
And that's when I had my epiphany.
You can't spend your whole life jerkin' off.
And after that, I'm goin' back to the city.

This night life is killin' me.
No more jerkin off.
He only knows what's in store, crystalline tears for me no more.

And after that, I clean up my life, join AA to make it right.
And after that, I get my thirty day chip.
And after that, I go sell a bit.

And after that, I'm a whole new man.
Brew kombucha in my hybrid van.
I give my life to meditation.
Then sleep with a whore at a Greyhound station.

Then after that, I have a full relapse.
Lose my hand in a game of craps.
And after that everyone calls me claw.
And after that I work for Tim McGraw.
And after that I pass out in the sewer.
Meet a giant fish, fuck it's brains out.
And after that, I feel this change.
No one but myself to blame, nothing in my heart but pain.
Next week we're gonna do it again.

This night life's caused most in me.
I'm back to jerkin' off.
I tried but could not break free, crystalline tears return to me.

Better in the club then he moved to the hills.
Then he freaked out and drank snake blood.
Got himself clean, now back in the club,
And that's why I've been in this song.

(After the club is after party.
After the party is the hotel lobby.
Stuck in a cycle, I just can't win. And after that it all happens again.)

Crystalline tears.
This playboy life's too much for me.

(After the club is after party.
After the party is the hotel lobby.
Stuck in a cycle, I just can't win.
And after that it all happens again.)
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After Party Lyrics

The Lonely Island – After Party Lyrics