'scuse me girl
I know it's a bit embarrassing
But I've noticed some tan lines!
On your shirt!
See, I reckon you're about an eight or a nine,
Maybe even nine and a half in four beers time,
That blue top shop top you've got on is nice,
Bit too much fake tan though but yeah, you score high,
But there's just one little thing that's really really,
Really really annoying me about you, you see,
Yeah, yeah, like I said, you are really fit,
But my gosh, don't you just know it!
I'm not trying to pull you,
Even though I would like to,
I think you are really fit,
You're fit but my gosh, don't you know it!
So when I looked at you standing there with your hoard,
I was waiting in the queue looking at the board,
Wondering whether to have a burger of chips,
Or what the shrapnel in my back pocket could afford,
When I noticed in the corner of my eye,
Looking towards my direction, your eyes locked onto my course,
I couldn't concentrate on what I wanted to order,
Which lost me the place in the queue I waited for, yeah!
Whoa! Leave it out!
Are you smoking crack or something?
Leave it out!
Mike just leave it, just leave it!
We cannot have that behaviour in this establishment!
Leave it out!
It's not worth it Mike, just leave it, it's not worth it!
Don't touch me, Don't touch me!
Leave it out!
No,look, I'm alright, don't touch me!
For a while I was thinking yeah, but what if?
Picturing myself with bare white hot wit,
Snaring at you as you were standing there opposite,
Whether or not you knew it I swear you didn't tick,
And when that bloke in the white behind us lot queuing,
Was clocking onto you too yeah I had to admit that,
Yeah you are fit,
And, Yeah, I do want it,
But I stopped sharkin a minute to get chips and drinks!
I bashed my head hard earlier due to the brew,
But I am digressing slightly so I'll continue,
I didn't wanna bowl over all geezer and rude,
Not rude like good but just rude like uncouth,
You girls think you can just flirt and it comes to you,
But let me tell you, see, yes, yes, but you are really rude,
And rude as in good, I knew this as you stood and queued,
But I just did not want to give the satisfaction to you!
Just as you started to make your big advance,
With the milkshake and your little doughnut in hand,
I was like, nah, I can't even though you look grand,
But you look sharp there smiling hard, suggestin' and,
Gleaming away with your hearty hearty looking tan,
But I admit the next bit was spanners to my plan,
You walk towards my path and you just brushed right past,
And into the arms of that fuckin' white shirted man!
Oh, what do I give a fuck, I've got a girlfriend anyway,
(Whoa we've all had a drink mate)
We're all a bit drunk, we've had a few, fair play,
I got this Stella I bombed from that last cafe,
This night's not even begun, yes, yes, oh yay!
I did fancy you a bit, yeah, I must say,
I would rather I hadn't mugged myself on display,
But this is just another case of female stopping play,
On an otherwise, total result of a holiday!
You're fit, but you're fit, but you know it!
You're fit but you know it!
I think I'm going to fall over!
I think I'm going to fall o- fuckin' hell.