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Correct I Hate You Lyrics
Lyrics
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Artists: P
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Paul McDermott
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Correct I Hate You
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Song:
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Lyrics:
It's not just that you're ugly Though you rate high on the scale But unlike other basic primates You've devolved into the male Whose witless tactless body Now teeters here before me With an English actor's lisp A palette that's half cleft Waving your wipe your arse degree In third rate bigotry With a Master's in speaking through your famous anus You must love the taste of turds You're always swallowing your own words You're a feeble, flatulent toerag Oh, to be a doctor and practice acupuncture on your eyes Or a butcher with a cleaver making loin chops of your thighs Or best of all, to run a restaurant and shaschlick your dick But you wouldn't even make an entree Cos you're such a little prick Your face is like a jigsaw That's been put together wrong Mr Cohen should sit down And write a sympathetic song You're pigeon-toed, knock-kneed Sparrow-chested, feather-brained In conversation for hours You keep people entertained But usually when you're not around to hear it Your life is just as dismal As a free church Sunday missal From the preface to the back It's filled with utter crap And I believe I have a right To speak my mind and to react People are terrified that you may reproduce You're the only reason I'd ever argue for abortion You've past the use by date And you'll probably never mate But I'd like to make just one small precaution Just to hedge my bets I'd like to whip you 'round the vet's A little snip and tuck You'd never feel the urge to fuck Your nether parts would be as lame As that dead lump of phelgm you call your brain In a way, you and Nancy Reagan are the same You're both fucking vegetables You've as much to offer humanity As the bubonic plague As much to offer art As a first year med school plague You're a pustulant canker That no cream can whisk away You're the apple of my eye That's turned rotten to the core Will I never escape the long arm of a bore? You know you never argue Cos you know you're always right You're only a pacifist Cos you're too gutless to fight And what is more I do not believe in this life affirming crap Get a lemon up me if you want your back scratched I'm okay, you're completely fucked You want to get off the track But the needle's stuck, stuck Some say, and who are they You were conceived in something less than the missionary position They claim you came by way of fusion or exploratory frission Dark seminal emissions Like the hole that's never whole Because parts of you are missing I'll let you draw your own conclusions From this agenda-driven vision Some say, and who are they You are the unfortunate byproduct of an unholy union You seem shocked by the revelation I think that you should sue them Whoever they may be I'm disgusted by the suggestion, thus I dispute it But you, you, you do nothing to refute it They say, and who are they They are trustworthy intellectuals Whose soul purpose is the pursuit of truth They claim a visceral combination of wastage, bile and protoplasmic slop Was left to brew overnight in a bucket with some drops of blood A thickened potent sludge from the troubled genetic blueprint Of a crazed psychotic and moronic private junkie A lowlife a vile yet all-too-human bug And each cycle Mother Nature tried to flush you out But you hung on to life like a loser holds a louse And you developed like a cancer Growing exponential in her womb A belly full of lice, a stench in an airless room And all her inadequate precautions All her potions and her poisons Could not rid her of the grotesque foetal sac The monster in her box The monkey in her slacks And you fermented with foetal scrapings from the morgue The dismembered remains of those unclaimed The children of the lost, the lonely, the offspring of the bored This vile concoction bubbled and boiled While virgn bedsheets, still unsoiled Lay gentle unsuspecting And in that brief elusive gap Feeding on the vulval sac This crass thing unrelenting Within minutes took it's form An hour later, you were born It was a cosmic error of comic book proportions Well of course you'd like the taste Of excremental waste You are what you eat and you can see it in your face The doctor threw you to the pit bulls They claimed you as their own So between the pit bulls and the maggots. You'll always find a home And if they'd known what you'd become An abomination to the Lord They would have garrotted your baby's neck With your own umblical cord The horror, the disgrace Transformed your mother's face So she decided there and then not to abide She bade a fond farewell Swalllowed a thousand sleeping pills And after vomiting for an hour, gracefully died As they dragged her to the hearse They fumigated and they cursed For they recalled that even she Had requested not to be Present at the hour of your birth The doctor passed on some time later Of shame, it is believed And when the word was heard he delivered the turd Not even his good wife grieved They burned the surgery to the ground Destroyed the utensils that had been so instumental In bringing you into the open air And from that day forth, you grew out of control A vicious seething mole That you survived while others died It's a fucking crying shame And if only the good die young Well, you're gonna live forever So my weary friend The time has come to end What I began so lovingly, so long ago I'll keep the last words simple And pray that you understand For there's many more here who want to bend your ear They've formed a queue It's dedicated just to you Permit me to finish by saying It's been a pleasure, an unmitigated pleasure To be so honest and so frank And I'm sure I speak for everyone So there's not only me to thank And lastly, lastly, I was once taught a valuable lesson If you're uncertain of the answer do not ask the question I just hope you're happy now And it's settled in your heart Next time you ask if I like you You'll know the answer from the start Listen to the track again if you're confused (And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid...)
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