When I woke up this morning, things were lookin' bad
Seem like total silence was the only friend I had
A bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down and won
And it was twelve o'clock before I realized that I was havin', no fun

Aah, but fortunately, I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man, I didn't kill anyone
No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun

Well, last time I checked my bankroll, it was gettin' thin
Sometimes it seems like the bottom is the only place I've been
I chased a rainbow down a one-way street, dead end
And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/john+prine/illegal+smile+live_20963394.html ]
Aah, but fortunately, I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man, I didn't kill anyone
No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun

Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls
Tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls
I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then?
Well, I went to court and the judge's name was Hoffman

Aah, but fortunately, I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man, I didn't kill anyone
No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun

Well done, son of a gun
Hot dog bun
Attila The Hun
My sister-in-law is an Irish nun