Well, I guess it was back in â63 When eatinâ my cookinâ got the better of me, So I asked this little girl I was goinâ with to be my wife. Well, she said she would, so I said âI doâ. But Iâda said I wouldnât if Iâda just knew How sayinâ âI doâ was gonna screw up all of my life!
Well, the first few years werenât all that bad â Iâll never forget the good times we had Cause Iâm reminded every month when I send her the child support. Well, it wasnât too long till the lust all died, And Iâll admit I wasnât too surprised The day I come home and found my suitcase sittinâ out on the porch.
Well, I tried to get in â she changed the locks! Then I found this note taped on the mailbox That said, âGoodbye, turkey! My attorney will be in touch!â Mm-hmmâŚ So I decided right then and there Iâs gonna do whatâs right â give her her fair share. But brother â I didnât know her shareâs gonâ be THAT much!
She got the gold mine! She got the gold mine! I got the shaft. I got the shaft. They split it right down the middle, And then they give her the better half. Well, it all sounds sorta funny, But it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft.
Now, listen â you ainât heard nothinâ yet: Why, they give her the color television set, Then they give her the house, the kids, and both of the cars! See? Well, then they start talkinâ âbout child support, Alimony, and the cost of the court â Didnât take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was!
Iâm tellinâ ya, they have made a mistake Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes! Besides; everything I ever had worth takinâ, theyâve already took! While sheâs livinâ like a queen on alimony, Iâm workinâ two shifts eatinâ baloney, Askinâ myself, âWhy didnât you just learn how to cook?!?!â
They give her the gold mine! She got the gold mine! They give me the shaft. I got the shaft. They said theyâre splittinâ it all down the middle, But she got the better half. Well, it all sounds mighty funny, But it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft.
Well, she got the gold mine! She got the gold mine! I got the shaft. I got the shaft. They split it all down the middle, And then they give her the better half. Well, I guess it all sounds funny, Hoo, hoo, hoo, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! But it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft. (They ainât kiddinâ me â I got the shaft.)
Well, I donât have to worry âbout totinâ a billfold nâmore. HahahahahaâŚ I let my wife tote it; Iâmonâ be carryinâ food stamps â You get it, judge? Iâmonâ beâŚ JustâŚ HahahahaâŚ Ah, itâs not funny, huh? Huh? Huh? Contempt of court? Whaddaya mean? Listen, judge: Iâs just kiddinâ!