Policeman:
Everything your teacher says
Is proved to be a fable
There never was an Arthur
Nor the knights, nor a round table
The lady of the lake
Was just a made up story too
I hate to disappoint you all
But it's not true!
It's not true!

Teacher, though you jibber
You're just a great big fibber
There was no Excalibur

Teacher:
Galahad?

Policeman:
No such lad

Teacher:
Lancelot?

Policeman:
Lance-not

Teacher:
Guinevere?

Policeman:
Dear, oh dear!

Merlin:
Look at me, I'm real enough!

Policeman:
Not true, Merlin! Disappear!
There were no wizards, so it's clear
That it's not true!

Teacher:
While we're on the subject
I'm afraid I must confess
Though dick Turpin was a highwayman
He never owned Black Bess
And Tutankhamen's tomb
Was never hit by any curse
There never was a dragon slain by George
It gets worse!

Pirates never made their victims
Walk the plank on ships
Sir Walter Raleigh wasn't first
To bring back spuds or chips

Policeman:
Robin Hood and Marian
A made up story too
Outlaws out in Nottingham?
It's not true!
It's not true!

Teach, you're such a liar
Your pants are catching fire
There never was a Friar Tuck

Teacher:
Viking hat?

Policeman:
No horn on that

Teacher:
King Alfred's cake?

Policeman:
Big mistake

Teacher:
It never fried?

Policeman:
The old books lied
Frankly, I deplore ya
I hope these kids ignore ya
'Cause in fact, Queen Victoria
Never said 'We are not amused'

Victoria: (spoken)
Your children think I said what?

Teacher: (spoken)
They think you said "we are not amused", your Highness

Victoria: (spoken)
Really? That's quite funny, isn't it?

Policeman and Teacher:
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
Ha, ha ha!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true, it's not true!
It's not true!
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It's Not True Lyrics

Horrible Histories – It's Not True Lyrics