News:

A well-known bognor restaurant-owner disappeared
Early this morning.
Last seen in a mouse-brown overcoat,
Suitably camouflaged,
They saw him catch a train.

Man-in-the-street:

Father of three its disgusting
Such a horrible thing to do
Harold the barrel cut off his toes and he served them all
For tea
Cant go far, he cant go far.
Hasnt got a leg to stand on
He cant go far.

Man-on-the-spot:

Im standing in a doorway on the main square
Tension is mounting
Theres a restless crowd of angry people

Man-on-the-council:

More than weve ever seen.
- had to tighten up security

Over to the scene at the town hall
The lord mayors ready to speak

Lord mayor:

Man of suspicion, you cant last long, the british public
Is on our side

British public:

Cant last long, you cant last long.
Said you couldnt trust him, his brother was just the same
You cant last long.

Harold:

If I was many miles from here,
Id be sailing in an open boat on the sea
Instead Im on this window ledge,
With the whole world below
Up at the window
Look at the window...

Mr.plod:
We can help you

Plods chorus:
We can help you

Mr. plod:
Were all your friends, if you come on down
And talk to us son

Harold:
You must be joking
Take a running jump

The crowd was getting stronger and our harold
Getting weaker;
Forwards, backwards, swaying side to side
Fearing the very worst
They called his mother to the sight
Upon the ledge beside him
His mother made a last request.

67-yr-old mrs barrel:
Come off the ledge if your father were alive hed be very,
Very, very upset.
Just cant jump, you just cant jump
Your shirts all dirty, theres a man here from
The b.b.c.
You just cant jump

Mr. plod:
We can help you

Plods chorus:
We can help you

Mr. plod:
Were all your friends, if you come on down
And talk to us harry

Harold:
You must be joking.
Take a running jump......