Your Uncle Walter's going on and on 'bout everything he's seen and done The voice of fifty years experience He's drunk watching the television You know he's been around the world Last night he flew to Baghdad In his magical armchair With cigarettes and six pack Yeah, he just got back The spit's flying everywhere Hey hey hey hey
[Chorus:] Your Uncle Walter's going on and on (oh you're back so late) Where did you go that you were gone so long? And how could you leave me here So long with Uncle Walter?
Your Uncle Walter saw Who fired the shots He drove his chair in the cavalcade He's flown from South Africa to Countries where they beat themselves On the backs with chains There was a fleet of battleships And one reclining chair Headed north on the Arabian sea Now he's back to tell us how He and his oldest boy Blair They're getting rich on A mail order scheme oh oh
Your Uncle Walter told me Everything he'd do if he were president Now what a perfect world This world would be If he were president now But he's not!
And he sees the children smoking pot He knows that in a moment they'll be Shooting up heroin Teardrops in his armchair A fifty minute lecture Tobacco juice rolling down his chin