Gaston

Who does she think she is?
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!

Lefou

Darn right.

Gaston

No one says "no" to Gaston!
Dismissed! Rejected!
Publicly humiliated!
Why, it's more than I can bear.

Lefou

More beer?

Gaston

What for? Nothing helps.
I'm disgraced.

Lefou

Who, you? Never!
Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together.

Lefou

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, d**k or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

Lefou and chorus

No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston

Lefou

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

Gaston

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

Lefou and chorus

My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"

Lefou

Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips

Chorus

No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston

Lefou

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!

Bimbettes

For there's no one as burly and brawny

Gaston

As you see I've got biceps to spare

Lefou

Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

Gaston

That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

Chorus

No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston

Lefou

In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

Gaston

I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!

Chorus

Ten points for Gaston!

Gaston

When I was a lad
I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown
I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

Chorus

Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston

Lefou

Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston

Gaston

I use antlers in all of my decorating!

Chorus

My what a guy, Gaston!
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Gaston Lyrics